Marrying Outside the Tribe

Student Persuasive Essay by Connor Piercey

Must a Christian marry someone from the same denomination in order to avoid the heated struggles of marital disagreement, or can a union of believers from different church backgrounds lead to a thriving marriage? Historically, Christians have chosen spouses from the same denomination as themselves in hopes of avoiding conflict and staying with their tribe. 

        It is true that couples from the same denominations can have strong marriages, and sharing the same beliefs may help them through certain struggles. However, finding a partner who agrees on necessary doctrinal issues and who can also challenge you on the marginal ones can lead to marriages that stand the test of time. Looking back through history, we see the common theme of tribes and nations and the successful marriages that originated from them, but is marrying within a denomination the only way to find a partner that leads to a God -glorifying marriage? Surprisingly, couples from different church backgrounds can have thriving marriages! This is because couples from different church backgrounds can be motivated to study Scripture together, challenge or sharpen each other in their walk with Christ, and balance each other with the goal of serving others. 

According to a study conducted by the Pew Research Center, prior to 1960, eighty-one percent of American, Christian couples married a partner from their same denomination. The number of Christians staying within their tribe and finding a partner from their same denomination has dropped significantly over the past fifty years. Is this branching out through the denominations leading Christian couples to unnecessary conflicts and divisions? There are many Christians who feel the need to force the next generation into the mold of finding a partner from their particular denomination just for the sake of “staying true to their tribe.”  

        However, finding a partner who can challenge you in your faith and encourage you to search the Scriptures for truth leads to some of the strongest marriages. While living in a sinful world, no one can assume they will avoid all conflict and disagreements just by finding a spouse who believes all the same doctrines as themselves. This prideful tendency of human nature, needing to be always right, can lead to even more division. Nothing is accomplished by taking this stand, except just for the sake of  dutifully “sticking to the tribe” who may or may not be correct in their understanding of certain issues. While there are some doctrinal differences that are too big to overlook, partners who humble themselves in hopes of learning the truth that unite all Christians, have led to some of the strongest marriages. 

While many Christians are willing to use the term ‘”Iiron sharpens iron,” can it be assumed that this phrase applies to all Christian marriages? Although culture pushes the blind acceptance of differences, even with sin or rebellion on full display, Christians may learn to embrace different denominational marriages, instead of writing off couples who share different views. Being introduced to different views can actually make couples stronger and more balanced in their faith. Many Christians live for years content with what their parents believe, never searching deeper to find out if they believe the same things. When they find a partner whom God places in their life, many Christians switch perspectives toward what a different denomination affirms about certain issues. With the goal of becoming more like Christ, newly married couples must sharpen and challenge each other so that their knowledge and faith grows. No matter the circumstances or season of life, Christians are weaker when they walk alone.

        In the creation of the world, God chose to make humans full of creativity and diversity, which helps the human race to thrive. These differences should not discourage Christians; instead, they should inspire Christians to learn and grow. This applies directly to prospective Christian couples. The name on the building, or the small doctrinal differences should not create tension;, instead, it should lead to opportunities for growth in their Christian lives. Different denominations treat ministry, worship, and even fellowship differently. These differences are opportunities for Christians to learn and grow in the journey of better serving each other. We can learn from J.C. Ryle who said, ‘There is something sadly wrong when it is more important to us whether others are part of our denomination, rather than whether they repent of sin, believe on Christ and live holy lives.’  

Although Christians can find a certain group of people in their lives that encourages them and strengthens them in their faith, being open to the strength’s other denominations show in their lives, and challenging each other’s beliefs on certain issues, can lead to a balance that God intended marriages to have when he created every human so uniquely. Christians searching the scripture for what they truly believe glorify God, whether that leads them to marrying someone from their church or a faithful believer that has a different name on their church sign. Instead of trying to constrict God’s plan in hopes of keeping tribes completely separated, Christians need to accept the differences that God is working through the marriages of so many of his people, and trust God who is working out his plan for this world.